Bringing her back
by thousand-miles
Summary: Post Left for Dead. Kate rethinks her job at NCIS. KG
1. Default Chapter

Title: Bringing her back

Author: thousand-miles

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: NCIS belongs to DPB and CBS. This is only for fun.

Summary: Post Left for Dead. Kate rethinks her job at NCIS. K/G

A/N: My first NCIS fic... While watching the last scene of Left for Dead I waited for Gibbs to go to Kate. She looked so helpless and she was looking at him like she wanted him to go to her. But he didn't and the ending was rather unsettling. I do think the bomb shook Kate up. She's a profiler, I can imagine her blaming herself for not seeing it. Also, watching Eye Spy, there seems to be a new comfort level between Gibbs and Kate. So this fic takes place after LfD and before ES. Also, English is not my native language and I haven't found a beta yet. So if someone is willing to beta, I'd appreciate it. Reviews are welcome, I'd love to hear your thoughts especially because this is my first NCIS fic. But please, be gentle with the reviews.

**Bringing her back**

He watched her being treated by the paramedic. Her eyes were distant... she was clearly in shock. Luckily nobody of his team got seriously wounded by the explosion. As soon as he heard the word bomb, he'd rushed to Kate trying to protect her. Ever since he'd met her he had the urge to protect her. He'd done so before with a bomb explosion. This time, he didn't get hurt, Kate did. But the hurt wasn't only physical for her, it was mental. He knew for sure that these last few hours had made a deep impact on her. He didn't know how help her.

He wanted to take her home with him to keep an eye on her, but he couldn't. Tony would be there and that would give them time to talk. Going to her place also wasn't an option because he would feel like he was intruding. So, in the end he'd called Abby, asking her to take Kate to her place and keep an eye on her.

He saw Abby arriving on the scene. She quickly walked up to him. "How is she?"

"Nothing to serious but I haven't talked to the paramedic yet." He watched Kate again and saw the paramedic stepping away from her. He quickly followed him to ask how Kate was. "How's she doing?"

"She will be fine, sir. Mostly bruises and scratches. She's in shock, though. Give her time."

"Okay, thanks."

He walked back to Kate, who now had company from Abby. He saw Abby talking to Kate, but saw that Kate wasn't really listening. The distance was still there in her eyes.

"Take care of her Abby. If anything happens, call me. And don't let her come to work tomorrow." He told Abby, as they stood few inches away from Kate. Walking back to Kate, he touched her arm. He waited for her eyes to focus on him and slowly they did. "Abby's going to take you home with her. Call me if you need me and take tomorrow off, Kate."

She slowly nodded but he wondered if his words were really getting through to her. He watched the two women walk away. He left to go home when he saw the car driving away.

The following morning he immediately went to see Abby. He'd hardly slept because all he could think about was Kate. He wanted to see her, to make sure she was all right but he couldn't yet. He first had to deal with the paperwork concerning the bomb explosion.

"Abbs," Gibbs said as he walked in Abby's lab.

"Good morning, Gibbs." She greeted him as she turned towards him. She knew why he was here.

"How's Kate?" He cut to the chase, but that was the man he was.

"I'm not sure, Gibbs."

"You're not sure?" At times like these he didn't like long answers. He just wanted to know how she was.

"Yeah.... She hardly slept, she didn't talk to me. She ate and drank... but that's it. I tried to talk to her about what happened but I couldn't get through to her. She was shutting me out. I can't get through to her."

He had expected this reaction from Kate. He knew the feeling of guilt all too well. He knew how it could tear you up inside. He didn't want it to tear her up like it at one time did to him. He now was certain he had to talk to her today.

"When I left this morning she was still the same. I don't know what she's going to do. Told her to call me if she needed me."

In the mean time Kate had left Abby's place. She needed to be at home. She was now sitting on her couch, rethinking the mistakes she'd made. She should have seen it. After all she was a profiler. How could she make such a big mistake? She thought she could read people well but apparently not. Two people were killed, even more got wounded and she'd put her team in danger. She'd failed, she'd failed big time. She wasn't as good an agent as she thought she was. She needed to rethink her job. Maybe it was best to choose another career. Clearly she wasn't good enough for NCIS. She could have gotten Tony or Gibbs killed.

She knew Abby was worried but she simply didn't want to talk to her about it. She couldn't talk about it. The thought of going back to work was unsettling to her. She knew she had today off but she had to get back tomorrow. She didn't know if she could handle it. She didn't want to bring the team in danger again. She needed to get away from here to think about everything and deal with it. So she called Director Morrow and asked for a leave of absence. He'd just asked if she was all right and if she was sure. When she answered affirmatively he agreed. He'd given her a month before she had to return. Agent McGee would take her place so the team wouldn't be shorthanded.

She was surprised Gibbs hadn't come by yet, but she was sure he would. A part of her wanted him to be there for her, to tell her she wasn't a bad agent. The other part told her it was for the best that he wasn't there... he probably would tell her to get back to work, forgetting what had happened. She wanted him to care but she knew better.

Gibbs decided to quite early today so he could talk to Kate. He called her but she didn't pick up her phone. He heard from Abby that Kate had gone back to her own place. He could imagine she felt more comfortable there. So now he was knocking on her door, waiting for her to let him in.

Kate heard the knock on her door and knew who would be standing on the other side of the door.

"Gibbs." She said as she opened the door for him.

"Kate." He greeted her. He observed her. She looked better than yesterday, but she was avoiding his eyes. Probably because he could always tell how she was when he saw her eyes. To him she was an open book.

She stepped back to let him pass still avoiding his eyes. She didn't want him to see how much this was affecting her. How much this had scared her and made her question her abilities.

"You okay, Kate?" He asked as he watched her close the door and turn to him. When she finally looked up he saw the guilt in her eyes.

"I'll be fine." She walked passed him and sat down on her couch.

Gibbs hesitated a moment before he joined her on the couch. He didn't know what to say and didn't know how to make her feel better.

His hesitation told her he blamed her too. How could he not? It was her fault, her mistake.

"I'm sorry Gibbs. I should have known better." She admitted her mistake.

He didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell her it wasn't a mistake. He didn't know how to make it easier for her. He knew he couldn't take away the guilt. He opened his mouth to say something but Kate continued.

"I know I messed up big time. I feel like such an idiot. Damnit! I should have known better."

"Look there's nothing you can do about it now. Just don't make the same mistake again."

She closed her eyes for a moment, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. She really needed him to hold her and tell her she was a good agent, but she knew he would never do that.

He didn't know what else to say. He watched her and wanted to take the pain away but he couldn't. He would be crossing boundaries he had purposely put between them.

"I think its best you go home, Gibbs." She suggested. She needed time alone.

He nodded and walked to the door. He looked back at her. "I'll see you tomorrow." He waited for her nod but he didn't see one. "Goodnight." He said before closing the door behind him and leaving her alone.

Tears began to fall as she heard the door close. She wished she could change the man. Why couldn't he see that all she needed was his arms around her? His confirmation that she was a good agent. She gathered her stuff and decided it was best to leave immediately. She still had a key to her parents' cabin. It would do her good. She called her brother to let him know she was coming by.

After another restless night, Gibbs walked out the elevator, hoping to see Kate at her desk.

"McGee, what are you doing here?" Gibbs asked as he saw Agent McGee sitting behind Kate's desk.

"Euuhh... well I was ordered to work on your team." McGee answered already nervous.

"And why is that?" The older agent asked as he took his seat behind his desk.

McGee glanced around, hoping Tony would walk in to help him out. "Because... you need a replacement for a month."

TBC......


	2. Chapter two

**A/N:**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter. I really appreciate it. I wasn't expecting so many reviews. You made my day! This chapter has been rewritten and rewritten and this came out. Also, the next update will take a while because I'm not quite sure what to do yet. So it'll take some time. Also, for the one who asked if there was a character death. Don't worry, there won't be one. I usually can't write a fic where one of the main characters dies. Please R&R. Also, if you maybe think things are out of character or you have a tip, I'd love to hear it.

**Chapter two**

Gibbs turned to McGee, giving him a stern look. "And, who is it that you are replacing?"

"Agent Todd." The younger agent answered. He was sure Gibbs knew about Kate.

"Since when?" Kate wouldn't be replaced, that would be his decision, not somebody else.

"Yesterday, I got a call that I was needed here."

Gibbs immediately stormed to director Morrow's office. "Why wasn't I informed about Agent Todd's replacement?" He asked the director.

"You were. I left you a memo yesterday on your desk. When I didn't hear anything from you, I thought you agreed." Morrow explained calmly. From the few times he had seen Agent Gibbs and Todd together, he was pretty sure there was some sort of connection there. Agent Gibbs' reaction frankly didn't surprise him.

"You should have informed me personally, asked for my opinion and asked for my permission."

"It still is my decision to make, Agent Gibbs. I don't need your permission. I only send you the memo to give you a chance to react."

"Did she say why?" He had a hard time accepting his boss' decision.

"Personal reasons, Agent Gibbs, that's all I can say."

"How long?" Surely that would be a question that would be answered.

"A month."

Without a word he walked out of the Director's office back to his desk. He called her cell phone, hoping she would at least answer it. There was no answer and he slammed his phone shut. He was surprised Kate had gone behind his back. On the other hand, she was a smart agent. She knew he'd never given her the leave of absence.

Tony, who didn't know what was going on, looked from Gibbs to McGee. Something was seriously wrong judging by the look on his boss' face. He'd seen him angry before but this was something else, something new.

"I want to know where Kate is and I wanna know now!" Gibbs demanded.

"She'll be here. She still got 10 minutes." Tony suggested.

"She won't be here. She asked Morrow for a month's leave."

"What?" Tony looked at Gibbs. Was he serious? By the look on his face, he was. "Why?"

"You're guess is as good as mine. Now find out where she is. Try to find a signal from her cell phone. Look at her personal information, a pone number, anything. I wanna know where she is or where she might be." That being said he left the agents alone and went to Abby to see if she had any information.

KATE arrived at her brother's house at the end of the morning. During her flight she'd only slept a little. The nightmare of the explosion still haunted her. She was hoping the time away would do her good. She needed to seriously rethink her abilities. She was supposed to be a trained profiler. Yet she couldn't see when someone was lying. Gibbs trusted her, trusted her profiling abilities, but she had failed him. She'd put her team in danger. She was surprised Gibbs hadn't yelled at her after the explosion. She surely deserved it. Since the explosion there was a look of disappointment in his eyes when he looked at her. Maybe he was rethinking his decision from a couple of months ago. Maybe he thought that hiring her had been a mistake. It probably had been. Gibbs would have never trusted Susan McNeill.

She'd called her brother and told him when she would arrive. She was looking forward to seeing him. He was five years older than her. The typical big brother, always trying to protect her, keeping an eye on her. Sometimes it would drive her nuts, other times she was glad she had him around. No matter what, she knew she could always turn to him. He would help her out. Excited about seeing her brother again, she rang the doorbell.

A tall man, with black hair and dark brown eyes opened the door. "Kate!" He took his little sister in his arms.

"Billy." She said before she got pulled into the hug. She breathed him in. It felt good to be near him again.

"Come on in." He released her and stepped aside to let her step inside. "Emily and the kids are looking forward to see you again.

As she walked into the living room Billy's kids ran up to her. Jason, the six year old boy, was first. He quickly hugged her also giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Hi, Aunt Katie."

Then Billy's four year old daughter, Maggy, put her arms around Kate's neck and hugged her. "Hi." She greeted her Aunt.

Kate smiled, Maggy was a shy little girl but they had a special bond. The girl seemed to really like her and so did she. "Everything all right with you, Maggy?" She put the girl back on the ground and stood up. She ran her hand through the girl's brown hair.

Maggy nodded before going back to the table, drawing pictures. Emily, Billy's wife walked in from the kitchen and greeted her sister-in-law. The two women were good friends. "It's been too long, Kate."

"I know." Her job didn't give her much time to see her family. But she cherished the moment she did see them.

"So, how's the cabin?" Billy asked as they all sat down in the living room.

Kate was staying in their parents' cabin in Linden. Back when they were younger the family had spent many vacations there. "Still looking good."

The rest of the day was spend catching up with each other's life and Kate spending time with her nephew and niece. Maggy hadn't left her side since her arrival. After dinner, Emily and Kate sat down on the porch. Emily had observed Kate the entire day and was sure there was something wrong.

"What's wrong, Kate?" Emily took a sip from her coffee.

"I.... I screwed up at work." She looked away to gather her thoughts. "I made a mistake I shouldn't have."

"What are you running away from?" Emily knew her sister-in-law well. Kate wasn't somebody to just walk away from a problem or own up to her mistake.

"I think that maybe I should quite." She hadn't said the words out loud before, but it was the truth. She was seriously considering quitting her job.

"What?" Emily exclaimed. "You love your job. You're good at your job!"

"I'm not sure that's true anymore. People got killed and injured because of me."

"Tell me everything, Kate."

And she did. She told Emily about the case, about Susan McNeill and the trust she'd given that woman. She talked about her own failures and doubts. For the first time she allowed someone to comfort her as she told her story.

Kate left her brother's place feeling a bit better. Talking with Emily had helped her. She agreed to come by tomorrow and spend some time alone with the kids.

Meanwhile at NCIS Gibbs still didn't know where Kate could be. "Anything yet?" He asked Tony and McGee.

"Yeah, I got something. I've got the address of her brother in Virginia." McGee handed Gibbs a paper with the information.

"I got the address of a cabin that's in the name of Kate's parents. Maybe she's staying there." They already knew that Kate wasn't with her parents because they were on vacation.

"Okay, you two are on your own. I'm gonna find Kate." He knew he should first call Kate's brother, but his gut told him she would be there. Looking at the address of the cabin he saw it wasn't far away from the brother's house. He would find her. He booked a flight to Virginia waiting impatiently before he could go start looking for Kate.

TBC.....


	3. Chapter three

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews. They make my day. I saw the first two chapters had some grammar mistakes. I try hard to avoid them but I can't avoid them all. My English isn't good enough to have no mistakes at all. But if you see any big mistakes, please let me know and I'll try to avoid them in the future. Now this chapter has also been rewritten a couple of times. Not much action in this one... I hope that's all right. Gibbs and kids, it's a combination that I like. Watching UnSealed and See no Evil(2x01) showed how good he is with them. That's why I did what I did. For the next update you'll have to wait till next week. I'll try to update it sooner but I haven't written chapter four yet. Usually I'm almost a chapter ahead but I didn't and still don't know what to do in chapter 4. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapters and any tips or suggestions you have. Now I'll quit rambling and you can go on with this chapter.

****

**Chapter three**

Now that he was on the road to William Todd's house, Gibbs finally relaxed. He hated when he couldn't do anything. Finally he could start looking for her. Her absence had affected him more than he wanted to admit. She'd somehow found a place in his life, a place so much bigger than he thought. He looked at his papers. He was going to call first, to see if they were home. When no one picked up, he decided to go to the cabin.

Kate was spending the day with Jason and Maddy, giving their parents some time alone and giving herself a welcome distraction. After spending the morning in the park, they were now heading back to the cabin.

While she drove up the drive way she saw another car parked on it. She parked her car right behind it. She wondered who it could be because she didn't see anyone. She helped Maddy while Jason was already out of the car, standing at the front door impatiently. Maddy grabbed Kate's hand before they started for the front door. Looking for her key, she heard a noise behind her. She quickly turned around and was rendered speechless by the person she saw.

"Kate." Gibbs calmly said. He'd watched her pull up behind his rental car. He looked at the little boy and girl, giving them a small smile.

Her first reaction was to get mad at him, telling him he had no right to be here. She couldn't do that, not in front of her nephew and niece. She opened the door, leaving it open so he could enter. And he did.

Watching the kids go into the living room, she hung up their coats. She didn't acknowledge Gibbs. She kept her eyes focused on Jason and Maddy. "You guys want something to drink?"

Getting affirmative nods from the two she walked to the kitchen to get them a glass of milk. From the kitchen she saw Gibbs walking into the living room.

"Who are you?" Jason watched the older man taking a seat on chair.

"Jethro Gibbs." The young boy had curley brown hair and light brown eyes. "And you are?"

"I'm Jason."

Gibbs looked at the girl that was sitting next to Jason. She was adorable. She had the same brown curled hair which she had in a pony tail. She had blue eyes. The little girl watched his every move, but hadn't said anything yet. As he looked at her he saw a little something of Kate in her. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it was there. "Hi," his voice was soft as he spoke to the girl. "What's your name?"

"Maddy." The girl whispered. He decided not to push her. She was shy and obviously wanted to observe him.

"Here you go." Kate joined the three, giving the kids their drinks. She sat down on the other couch. Maddy kept her eye on Gibbs, but joined Kate on the couch.

"How do you know, Aunt Kate?" Jason asked.

Gibbs turned in his chair to look at Kate. "I work with her." He answered, keeping his eyes on Kate, wanting to see her reaction. She flinched at the word work.

"I'm hungry." Maddy said, looking from Gibbs to Kate.

"I'll make you a sandwich. You want one too, Jason?"

"Yeah."

Kate left the room again, going into the kitchen to make two sandwiches. Several minutes later she heard footsteps in the kitchen. It was no mystery as to who it could be. She'd memorized so many things of him, including his walk.

"Why are you here?" Kate spoke for the first time since his arrival.

"Because we need to talk." He stood still next to her, leaning against the counter. He observed her. She was uncomfortable with him standing so near. He saw it in her body language, she was tense. She'd never been uncomfortable with him before. There were times that they would stand so close that they could feel each other's body heat.

Kate wanted so much to yell at him, telling him he had no right to be here but she couldn't. She heard soft steps approaching. She knew it was Maddy.

Maddy joint them in the kitchen, immediately going to Kate's side. She shyly looked at Gibbs again who gave her a small smile. She tucked on her aunts leg.

"Yes, Maddy?" She looked down at the little girl who was looking at the counter. She wanted to sit on top of it.

Before Kate could put her stuff down, Gibbs was already at Maddy's side. "Let's get you up there." He said to the little girl as he lifted her up and sat her down on the counter. He was rewarded with a smile from Maddy.

"Thank you." Maddy softly said.

Gibbs was now standing even closer to Kate. He saw it was getting to her. He felt a small hand on his arm. He looked up in Maddy's blue eyes. She had her sandwich in her hand and was offering him a bite by holding it out to him. "I already ate."

Maddy took a bite of her sandwich, chewing happily on it. She kept her eye on Gibbs, apparently finding him fascinating. Kate left the two alone to bring Jason his sandwich.

"What did you do today, Maddy?" Gibbs asked

"Auntie Kate took us to the park. I went on the swings. I went really high."

"Good for you." He liked the little girl. He wondered if she was anything like Kate when she was younger. Kate... She really wasn't happy that he was here but he wasn't going anywhere without talking to her. It was nice to see her relax, see her in another environment. It was just nice to be with her, though he would never admit that to anyone. He saw Maddy scooting forward. "Here, let me help you." He lifted her from the counter, setting her down on the floor. Maddy took his hand, tugging him towards the living room.

Back in the living room, Kate was sitting next to Jason who was eating his sandwich. She watched the two sit down on the couch. She was surprised Maddy chose to sit with Gibbs in stead of her. From the few moments she'd seen Gibbs with kids, it was obvious that he was good with them. Apparently Maddy thought the same thing.

Gibbs confused her. This wasn't something she'd expected from him. He went after her, he looked for her. She didn't know if she should be happy with that or not. She didn't know what this meant to him or what she meant to him. She hadn't had the time to really think things through. He was too early. She needed to work this out alone first before she could talk to him. Why couldn't he understand that? Maybe because he thought that if he gave her too much time, she would quit. It was a possibility. With Gibbs, she never knew. As Ducky once said, with Gibbs there were more questions than answers. Sometimes she loved his unpredictability, but not now. She didn't want to deal with him now.

Gibbs watched Kate as he did so many times before. Sometimes during a case he would just watch her. Watch how a smile appeared on her face when she was on to something. Other times when they were just walking side by side, he would keep stealing glances. She was such a beautiful woman. After his failed marriages he'd told himself there would be no one else. He didn't know if he would be able to deal with another failed relationship. So far he had kept his word.Yet ever since Kate entered his life he'd been questioning that decision. She was, in every way, his match. She challenged him like no one else. She was the only one who dared to question his judgement. He was sure he had feelings for her, feelings that went beyond professional boundaries. But he needed to focus on her. He knew her well enough to know what she was going through. He knew she was questioning her abilities. The last time he'd seen her he hadn't really given her his trust. He hadn't told her she was a good, that he wanted her by his side. She had wanted reassurance, something he hadn't given her. He wasn't going to make that mistake again and he wasn't going to leave untill he was sure she wasn't going to leave him.

TBC............


	4. Chapter four

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews. They were so sweet. Two people made suggestions and I incorporated both ideas. Gibbs and Kate are going to have a little talk and Gibbs is going to me Kate's brother and sister-in-law. Some bits may be rushed during this chapter, for example the end is a bit rushed. I'm aware of that but I didn't know how else to explain the time that had passed by. That's always been one of my problems as a writer. Ideas or suggestions are always welcome so please let me know. This chapter is updated earlier than expected, which surprised me also. Hopefully it won't take too long to write the next one. I hope you like it and please let me know what you think.**

**Chapter four**

It occurred to Kate that she hadn't offered Gibbs anything to drink. She was hoping he would get the hint, but she knew better. Gibbs was a stubborn man, it would not be easy to change his mind and get him to go away. Realizing that she couldn't chase him away she started thinking about what she should do next. She could talk with him or she could ignore him and focus on the kids. She knew she couldn't focus on the kids without having talked to him. She sighed, better to get it over with.

"Jason, keep on eye on your sister while I talk to Gibbs." Seeing Jason nod, she looked at Gibbs. She tipped her head towards the French doors that led to the balcony.

Gibbs was surprised, but followed her to the balcony. She wanted to talk, probably to get rid of him sooner. He looked back at the living room before stepping onto the balcony. Maddy's eyes were still on him. He smiled at her before joining Kate. He waited patiently for Kate to start talking. He was standing beside her, with his arms leaning on the railing, watching the scenery.

"I can't believe you're here." Kate started.

"You really thought you could run from me?" Gibbs turned his body towards her.

"I left because I wanted to be alone. I can't be alone with you around."

"I don't want you to be alone."

"I don't care what you want, Gibbs. Can't you understand that I need this?"

For the first time she really looked at him. In her eyes he saw the guilt and hurt that was still there. "Talk to me, Kate."

"I can't."

"Why not?" He questioned her.

"Because it's too soon. I need to think this through first."

"Can't you think and talk to me at the same time?"

She was getting frustrated. Why couldn't he accept her need to be alone? She raised her voice. "No, I can't. Don't you get it? I need to be alone. I want you to go back to NCIS. I don't want you here!"

Kate's outburst didn't surprise Gibbs. She'd probably kept this in every since he'd showed up at the cabin. Her words didn't hurt him. He knew it was her guilt and anger talking. He knew it wasn't personal. He looked at her. There were tears forming in her eyes though she was trying hard to fight them. Two days ago, when he'd been at her place, he hadn't known what to do. Now, he knew and he wasn't going to let her go. Her hair had fallen in front of her face. "Stop hiding from me, Kate. I'm not going anywhere." He said softly as he reached out to tuck the hair behind her ear. Before he could say more, Maddy appeared.

"Auntie Kate, Jason keeps playing that video game."

Kate needed a moment to recover from Gibbs gesture of affection. The man hardly showed any affection towards anyone and yet here he was. She ran her hand through her hair before turning towards her niece. She avoided Gibbs eyes, knowing she couldn't handle the softness in them. This confused her even more. Deep down she knew she had feelings for him. So far she'd been able to push them to the back of her mind. Now she had to work through her own doubts and stay on her toes to avoid falling in love with her boss. She would be able to do the last if he wasn't around, but that wasn't the case. He was here and he wasn't going anywhere.

"Let's go inside and we'll find something fun to do, okay?" Together with Maddy she walked back inside.

Gibbs was pleased with himself, he was making progress. She was still trying to keep him at arms length, but she now knew for certain that he wasn't going anywhere. They were going to work through this together, whether she wanted or not. As he returned to the living room he saw the kids getting their coats on.

"We're going to take a walk outside." Kate explained to him as she handed him his coat.

He'd just put his jacket on when he felt a small hand on his. Looking down he saw Maddy at his side. She slid her hand in his as they walked to the door. Jason was already ahead of them while Kate locked the door.

The walk through the woods was spend relaxing, enjoying the kids' company and small talk. Gibbs saw a different side of Kate. Her face lit up as she talked to Maddy and Jason. This was good for her. He could understand why she'd decided to go to the cabin. It was the prefect way to leave everything behind. Some time during the walk, Maddy had asked to ride on his back. He had let her because he couldn't say no to her. They had also played hide and seek with Kate and Maddy looking for the guys. All in all it had been a pleasant walk. They were now back at the cabin.

"You guys want some hot coco?" Kate asked as Jason and Maddy made their way to the living room. With affirmative answers from the two she made her way to the kitchen. Gibbs followed her into the kitchen.

"Do you want some coffee?" Kate asked him as she prepared the hot coco.

"Yeah, just tell me where everything is."

Kate showed him where everything was. It was silent between the two while they both prepared the drinks.

"Thank you." Kate suddenly said.

"For what?" Gibbs poured the coffee in two mugs.

"For not pushing me." She left the kitchen with the drinks for Jason and Maddy.

ABOUT and hour later there was a knock on the door. "Mommy!" Maddy yelled as she ran to the door to open it. Jason and Kate followed Maddy in a slower pace.

"Hey, how was your day?" Emily asked her daughter.

"Great! We went to the park and then I played hide and seek with Uncle Jethro!" Maddy relayed her day.

_Uncle Jethro? Where did she get that from?_, Kate thought. She looked at her brother and Emily who had their eyes on her. How was she going to explain this?

"And who is Uncle Jethro?" Billy asked Kate.

"Euuh, well... he's..."

"I'm Kate's boss." Gibbs' voice came from behind her. He had heard Maddy calling him Uncle. He had to admit, it sounded nice. He didn't even know the girl had remembered his name. Kate's brother didn't look a lot like Kate but they had the same determination in their eyes. Kate's sister-in-law had blond hair and kind blue eyes. "Jethro Gibbs" He introduced himself, shaking hands with Billy and Emily.

They all walked to the living room and settled down. "When are we going to eat?" Jason asked his parents.

"I've got reservations for seven o'clock at Donatello's." Billy answered. He observed Kate and her boss. They were seated on the couch opposite of him. He didn't know what to think of Jethro Gibbs. Kate trusted the man and spoke highly of him.

"We were all going out to eat. Would you like to join us, Mr. Gibbs?" Emily was surprised Kate hadn't told her boss about their plans. Ever since Gibbs introduction Kate had a distant look in her eyes.

"Sure, if nobody minds and please, call me Jethro." His eyes were on Kate. He wouldn't go if she didn't want him to. He knew how important this family time was for her. He wasn't going to impose.

Kate felt his eyes on her. "It's okay." She felt unsure of the situation. After the afternoon walk in the woods she'd felt comfortable with Gibbs around. Now with Billy and Emily around things were different. She'd seen Emily watching. She knew she was going to get questions. Questions about Gibbs that she wasn't sure she wanted to answer.

TBC..........


	5. Chapter five

**A:N This is a repost because some people pointed out to me that Gibbs has been an Agent for 19 years. I know about that and I wanted to explain why I chose for nine. I thought that the nineteen years meant his time as an Agent and his time in the marine. That how I understood it from the character bios. My apologies for that mistake. Thank you for pointing it out for me. It's such a big mistake that I decided to repost this chapter. Also about Suzanne MacNeill, I didn't know you could read the casefiles on CBS. I also didn't know I had written her name wrong. Thank you for pointing that out to me. So here's the repost because I hate that there are big mistakes in a chapter. Thanks again for pointing it all out to me. I appreciate it. **

**Chapter five**

Emily looked from Gibbs to Kate. There was something there between them. Kate had never told her much about her boss. When she did talk about him, there was a sparkle in her eyes. He seemed protective over her. Every once in a while looking at her to make sure she was all right. She wanted to know more. She stood up, asking Kate to come with her to the kitchen.

"He seems interesting." Emily started the conversation, hoping it would eventually lead to Kate talking about her boss.

"That's one word to describe him."

"Come on, tell me about him. Why is he here?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. I found him standing at the doorstep this afternoon. He surprised me." Kate paused a moment before continuing. "I tried to get him to leave but he won't go."

"He's probably worried about you."

"Gibbs doesn't worry. He's not like that. He just wants to make sure he doesn't loose an agent."

"I don't believe that. He's here. He's flown from Washington to Virginia to go after you. Don't tell me he's not worried. Did you tell him you might quit?" Emily wasn't fooled. She'd only known Jethro Gibbs for a short time, but she'd seen enough to know the man was worried about Kate. Frankly she was glad he was here. She was worried too and now there would be someone to look out for her.

"No, but he's a smart man. He knows I'm having doubts." Kate really didn't want to talk about Gibbs and his reasons to being here.

"Did you talk to him about everything?"

"No, I told him I needed to think first."

"And?"

"And he asked me why I couldn't think and talk to him at the same time. You know I came here to be away from everything. He's here now and I can't get away from him."

"Maybe it's for the best. Talk to him. He probably knows what you're going through. It's not going to hurt you to talk to him. Unless there's more going on..."

"More?" Kate said as she paced around the kitchen.

"Do you have feelings for him?" Emily took a risk by asking Kate about her feelings for her boss. From what she'd seen she wouldn't be surprised if Kate had more than professional feelings for her boss.

"Don't even go there, okay?" Kate pointed at her sister-in-law.

But Emily wasn't going to give up that easily. "Come on, you can tell me."

"Even if, and that's a big if, I have feelings for him, he's my boss. That's all you need to know. Besides he has some redheaded woman hanging around him every once in a while. Who knows, she could be his girlfriend."

"Do I detect a little jealousy there, Kate?"

"No. Look, can we drop the subject? I really don't want to talk about it. Got enough on my mind as it is already."

"Okay. Let's go back. It's time we leave for the restaurant. You ride with Gibbs. The kids will ride with us."

They drove to the restaurant in Kate's rental car. The ride was made in silence. It seems that neither Gibbs nor Kate wanted to talk. The silence wasn't uncomfortable though.

AT THE restaurant they were seated at a round table. Kate was sitting next to Maddy and Gibbs. On the other side of Gibbs was Emily. The other tow seats were occupied by Jason and Billy with Billy next to Emily.

"So, Jethro, tell me about yourself." Emily had taken her seat next to Jethro on purpose. Hopefully she would be able to get him to talk.

"What do you wanna know?"

"How long have you been a NCIS Agent?"

"Nineteen years."

"And you were in the marine's before this?"

"Yes."

"How long will you be staying?"

Gibbs looked at Kate who was talking to Maddy and Jason, as he answered. "As long as it takes."

In those few words Emily knew how much Jethro cared for Kate. "She's got a lot on her mind. It's not going to be easy."

Jethro looked at Kate's sister-in-law. "I know but I'll do whatever it takes."

"Don't push her, okay or she's going to shut you out."

He nodded his agreement. Kate was stubborn. Yet he knew her well enough to know when to push her and when not.

Despite her doubts, dinner had been a nice occasion. She was now back with Gibbs at the cabin. They had said goodbye to Billy, Emily and the kids at the restaurant. For the first time that day they were alone. Kate didn't know what Gibbs would do. She didn't want to be pushed, hopefully he understood that. She looked at her watch, dinner had taken much longer than expected. She was tired. She'd hardly slept the past couple of days. Because of the nightmares she usually stayed awake. Every night she had almost the same dream. She first saw Susan's face then the bomb dropped. Next thing she saw was Tony's dead body and Gibbs was wounded. Every time he told her it was her fault Tony was dead. That she didn't deserve to be a Special Agent. Usually she woke up after that and couldn't go back to sleep. She would wander around the house till the morning came.

"Go to sleep, Kate. You look exhausted."

"Let me show you where you can sleep." She showed him Billy's old room which was next to hers. Strange that they would be sleeping so close together. Maybe with the knowledge of Gibbs next to her in the other room, the dreams would stay away.

Right before Kate stepped away from him he stopped her with his hand on her arm. "Try to get some sleep, Kate. I can see you've hardly slept these last couple of days. What's happening in those dreams isn't real. We're all alive, nobody got hurt." He knew about the dreams that haunted her. He knew what she was going through because he'd been there before. His hand slid from her arm to her hand. He softly squeezed it before letting go. "Goodnight, Kate."


	6. Chapter six

**A/N: This took longer because of the upgrade of ffnet. I had this chapter finished on Saturday evening but I thought that uploading wasn't a good idea because ffnet was going to be upgraded starting on Sunday. But it's here finally. Thanks for the very kind reviews on the last chapter. I apologize again for my mistake. I think this chapter has a nice G/K moment in which I hopefully stayed in character. I'd love to hear suggestions for the next chapter because I want Kate and Gibbs to go out and do something but I don't know what. So any suggestions are welcome. Other suggestions and ideas are welcome also. Please R&R and enjoy!**

**Chapter six**

She'd gone to bed about three hours ago. It was now two in the night. She was exhausted but wouldn't let herself fall asleep, afraid of the dreams that would haunt her. In stead she'd been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, hoping that the rest would be enough. She couldn't help that her mind wandered to Gibbs. Often she thought back on their first meeting. She immediately saw he wasn't an assistant but a leader. It was in his stance, his attitude and his presence. She always liked men who were passionate and strong. Gibbs was both. He was passionate about his job and had a strong character. Yet he was also a gentle man though he hardly showed that side of himself. It was in the little things that he did. Like when he asked her she was all right after the seaman Russell McDonald case. It had been more upsetting than she'd wanted to admit. At the end of the case he'd quietly asked her if she was all right, looking her in the eyes to make sure. It was then that she found out that he kept an eye on her during cases, to make sure she was all right. It was in those little moments that she started to see the real man.

That's also when the problems began. More and more she started to get certain feelings around him. If he stood real close to her, an involuntary shiver ran through her body. When he smiled, and she loved his smile, she couldn't help but smile back. After a short while she discovered she had feelings for him. At nights she started to have dreams about him. First they were really innocent, it was about spending time alone with Gibbs, getting to know him. After that it was about kissing him, about Gibbs admitting his love for her. Those dreamed ended with the two of them in bed.

Shortly after that she made a promise to herself. She was going to ignore her feelings and make sure to keep the distance. She'd succeeded with the last, but she couldn't totally ignore her feelings. She'd put them to the back of her mind but they were still there. She tried to tell herself she had them under control and in a way she did. But she wanted those feelings to become less and less and that just didn't happen. In a certain way she did get control over her feelings. That control was now slipping because she couldn't get away from him. He'd said he was here to stay.

She knew without a doubt Gibbs would never return her feelings, there would never be something there. Every time her feelings seemed to surface, she thought about rule 12 and told herself nothing would ever happen. It warmed her heart that he cared enough to be here with her. She was also sure she was going to like having him around though she would never admit that. All in all the entire situation made things so much harder for her in so many ways.

She sighed and decided to get up because clearly she wasn't going to get any sleep.

Gibbs had always been a light sleeper. He would wake up from the slightest sound. After they'd just gone to bed he'd hear Kate pacing in the room next to him. After a while things got quiet and he'd fallen asleep. Now he was awake again because he'd heard sound from Kate's room. He heard her open the door and walk downstairs. She had to get some sleep otherwise the exhaustion would catch up with her. He had to talk to her. Getting up he quietly walked downstairs.

He found Kate in the kitchen preparing coffee. She was wearing grey sweats and a white tank top. He saw more skin than he was used to. "You know with that coffee it'll be even more difficult to fall asleep."

Startled she turned around to see Gibbs standing in the kitchen. He was wearing black sweats and a black shirt. Great, she thought, now she was going to get a lecture about getting no sleep. "Sorry I woke you up." She said as she continued with the coffee.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"A couple of hours on the plane."

"I meant a good night's rest." He crossed his arms, leaning against the counter.

There was no use in answering that question. He knew she had hardly slept and lying to Gibbs wasn't an option.

"You can't keep this up, Kate." He softly said.

She placed her hands on the counter, looking at the coffee. "I know."

"Let's sit down for a moment, all right?" After seeing a small nod from Kate he sat down at the kitchen table. He was hoping she would sit down next to him, but she didn't. She chose the chair opposite from him. "Tell me about the dreams."

"No." If she started talking about the dreams he would want to hear more and she wasn't ready to have that conversation yet.

"Kate, you've hardly slept these last couple of days. I can see how exhausted you are. You can't keep doing this. You can't stay awake just to avoid the dreams. You need your sleep."

"I don't want to talk about my dreams. I just want to forget them."

"I know you do, but maybe it would help if you talked to someone about them. You can't keep this bottled up."

"Right and you're just the right person to tell me that." Kate's voice was sarcastic. Gibbs never shared his thoughts and feelings and now he was telling her to not keep this bottled up.

He should have seen that one coming. "Maybe not, but you know as well as I do that you need to talk. I'm not here to judge, I'm here to listen." He reached over the table to briefly place his hand over hers.

Kate looked at their hands. He was reaching out, he was trying and all she did was shut him out. He was right, she did want to talk about her dreams, but she didn't know if it was wise to talk to him about them. She stood up, walked to the coffee machine and pored two cups of coffee. She placed one cup on the table and kept the other one in her hand. "Every time the same thing happens." She started as she walked to the window. She stared outside and continued to tell him about her dream.

"I see all of us standing in that big lobby. I hear the word bomb. I turn to look at you and Tony. I see the shock on Tony's face. I look at Suzanne before she drops the bomb. I see a different woman. Then the bomb falls and we try to find shelter. The next thing I know I'm laying on the ground. I don't seem to be wounded. I start looking for you and Tony. I first find Tony. He's curled around a pillar. It doesn't look good. Something big has fallen on his legs. I think it's brickwork. I manage to lift it off him. I see the damage it's done to his legs. I quickly turn him over. I find out he's dead. His head is so damaged from the impact with the pillar. Then I start looking for you. I call out your name but I cannot find you. Eventually I find you. You're sitting against the wall. The first thing you ask me is, if Tony's all right. I guess you conclude he's not by the look on my face. The only words you say, is that it's my fault. I should have never endangered the team. Before they put you in the ambulance you tell me I don't deserve to be a NCIS agent. That's usually the point where I wake up."

Her dream didn't surprise him. The words however did surprise him. He blamed Kate in the dream and Kate now thought he would indeed blame her. For the moment he decided to leave that be. They first needed to talk about the dream. He needed to reassure her that nobody got hurt. "Nobody got hurt Kate. Tony's not dead, I'm not hurt. What happened happened, but the most important thing is that nobody got hurt. You didn't get anyone killed." He was now standing beside her at the window. He saw the tears she was trying to hold back. To really reassure her, he had to ignore the boundaries he'd put between them. "Come here, Katie." He whispered before he pulled her into his arms. He felt her hesitation but it didn't take long for her to wrap her arms around his waist and let the tears run freely. "I'm all right, Kate. Nobody's hurt." He kept repeating the same words over and over again, hoping he would get through to her.

Kate let is all go. She needed his arms around her so much, but never thought he would actually do it. For the first time since the events she felt comforted. She finally had someone she could hold on to. He'd understand her fear and need for reassurance. She buried her head against his chest, listening to his heart beating to reassure herself, he was indeed fine.

"Let's sit down, okay?" Gibbs suggested as he led them to the couch. She was no longer cry, he just heard small sobs. Gibbs kept his arm around her as they sat on the couch. She was leaning against his side, head on his shoulder, feet tucked under her. He felt Kate's body relax against him and a few moments later he heard a steady breathing. He looked at her, she was asleep. After letting it all go the exhaustion had finally caught up with her. He knew Kate would be more comfortable in her own bed, but now that she was finally asleep he wasn't going to wake her up again. No, they would stay on the couch. Sure he would regret his decision in the morning. After all he wasn't that young anymore and his aging body needed a nice comfortable bed to sleep on. That wasn't going to happen tonight. He placed a soft kiss on her head. "Sleep, Kate. I'll keep the dreams away." Quickly after that he fell asleep.

Sometime during the night he woke up from Kate struggles. It was as if she was trying to get away. He saw that she was still asleep. She was probably dreaming. He pulled her closer to his body and gently rubbed her back. "It's not real, Kate. Nothing's going to happen. It's all right." His voice seemed to relax her and she soon settled down. Once he was sure she wasn't dreaming anymore he relaxed and fell asleep again.

TBC......


	7. Chapter seven

**A/N: I decided to let Kate talk to Abby since I didn't know what else to do. Again a lot of thoughts by Gibbs and Kate which I think gives insight in their feelings for each other. Let me thank you all again for the reviews. I know it can be hard coming up with ideas, I know I'm struggling with that. I just wanted to say that if you have a suggestion you can tell me about it. Please R&R and I hope the next update will be there next week but I'm not sure.**

**Chapter seven**

She felt disoriented as she opened her eyes. Where was she? She wasn't in bed, nor was her head on a pillow. No, her head had found a place on someone's chest. She slowly sat up to avoid waking the other person up. She rubbed her eyes before she looked at the person next to her. Gibbs was sitting on the couch, his head on the back of the couch and his mouth open. Gibbs… he'd stayed with her the entire night and it had been the first night since the explosion that she'd really slept. He'd kept his promise; he'd kept the dreams away. She thought back about their conversation. He didn't judge, he just let her talk about her dream. He'd comforted her when she needed it the most. In his arms she'd felt safe and protected. She was seeing a side of him that made it even more difficult for herself to hide her true feelings.

Gibbs felt Kate was gone, because she wasn't leaning against his chest anymore. He opened his eyes and saw her looking at him. "Good morning." He greeted with a voice still edged with sleep. She looked a lot better than yesterday. She looked rested. He also saw uncertainty in her eyes, probably caused by the way they'd spend the night.

"Morning." Kate was unsure how to proceed. She didn't know if she should thank him or what else to do. The situation was so awkward to her.

"You go take a shower, I'll make us some coffee." Gibbs suggested when he saw her hesitation.

Kate nodded before walking past him to the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs she turned around to watch him. He was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Gibbs?" She waited for him to look at her. "Thanks." She didn't say it loud but loud enough for him to hear it. She didn't wait for his reaction, but just continued with her way up the stairs.

Gibbs stood in the kitchen, contemplating the previous night. He'd seen a vulnerable Kate. A side of her he'd never seen before. He was grateful that she'd accepted his comfort and didn't try to keep him at a distance. For the moment he would ignore how good it felt to feel her body next to his. He decided to not push her about talking about her insecurities. He would leave it up to Kate to take that first step. She needed to take that first step, he couldn't do it for her.

They were just finished with breakfast when Gibbs' cell phone starting ringing. He walked away from Kate into the living room.

"Gibbs."

"Hey, Gibbs!" Abby greeted her boss.

"Abbs, what can I do for you?"

"Always straight to the point. I was wondering how the two of you were doing."

"We're fine."

"How's Kate?"

Gibbs looked back to the kitchen for a moment and saw Kate was cleaning up. "She'll be all right." His voice turned soft as he spoke about her.

Abby was silent for a moment. Gibbs was never forthcoming with his answers. Well, she decided to try another way. "Can I talk to her?"

Gibbs contemplated Abby's question for a moment. Maybe it would be good for Kate to talk to Abby. "I'll ask her." He walked back to the kitchen. "Kate, I've got Abby on the phone for you. You wanna talk to her?"

"Yeah, thanks." Kate said as she took the phone from Gibbs. She walked onto the balcony and sat down on one of the chairs. "Abby."

"Kate! How are you? We miss you."

"I'm doing better. How are you handling Tony and McGee?"

"Aah, you know me. I have everything under control."

Kate smiled, Abby was a good friend. You could count on her when you needed her.

"So, Kate… how are things with Gibbs?" Abby decided to slowly built up to her question.

"Gibbs is fine, but that's not what you wanna know."

"True. How do you feel about having him there?"

"When I first saw him, I wasn't happy at all. But you know Gibbs, he quickly told me he wasn't going anywhere. There was only one thing for me to do and that was accept his presence. I've got to admit Abbs, I like having him around. He's a good friend."

"Just a friend or more?" Abby knew about her friends' feelings for Gibbs.

"Just a friend. I still have so much going on. It would make things too complicated."

"Probably but he's with you the entire day. That's only making it harder for you to ignore your feelings."

What Abby was telling was true. "I know, Abbs, but it simply cannot happen."

"What if it does?"

"It won't. Besides, you're forgetting Gibbs. He doesn't feel the same as me. He never let it happen."

"Don't let him fool you, Kate." Abby had known Gibbs for a very long time. He was so different with Kate, so much more protective. There was a look in his eyes when he looked at Kate. She was pretty sure Gibbs was feeling more than he was letting everybody believe. "I've gotta go, Kate. Take good care of yourself."

"I will. Tell Tony and McGee I said hi." After saying Abby goodbye she hung up. Abby's words were still on her mind. _Don't let him fool you. _What did that mean? Did Abby know more than she did? Could it mean that he did have feelings for her? She shook her head and dismissed that thought. Like he'd once said: _Romance between agents, Kate, it doesn't work. _He'd said it with so much conviction that she was pretty sure he would never pass that line. It probably was for the best, it would make things at work so much more complicated. Yet for a moment she thought about the possibility of her and Gibbs together and a smile appeared on her face.

Gibbs had heard Kate saying goodbye to Abby. He waited inside for her, but since she wasn't back yet he decided to see if everything was all right. He stood leaning against the doorframe, looking at Kate sitting on the chair. She had a wistful smile on her face. It was good to see her smile. At that very moment it hit him how beautiful she was and how precious she was to him. She meant so much more to him than he was ready to admit. As an agent he wanted her by his side, but as a person he wanted her with him also. He shook his head. This wasn't the time for his feelings. He didn't want to confuse her even more. She was having a hard time already. She needed, no deserved, some rest. Besides, he didn't even know how Kate felt about him. Sure there was a connection between them and he was pretty sure Kate felt it too. He was an old man, and Kate was a young woman. Surely she could do so much better. What could she even see in him? He was old, had grey hair and he was famous for his inability to talk about his feelings. He also didn't have a good track record, three failed marriages. Nope, there was nothing in him that she could be attracted to.

"You okay?" He stepped onto the balcony.

"Yeah. Abbs is handling the guys."

Gibbs smiled at that. Abby was a bit eccentric but she was the best and she could handle DiNozzo and McGee as good as he.

"You know, I didn't think I would say this but I miss them."

Gibbs didn't want to smile at that remark, but it was hard. She was missing her work. That was a good sign. He decided to tease her a bit. "Who would have thought you'd miss DiNozzo. Maybe I should call him. You'd be hearing that for the next month."

Kate laughed. Tony could be a pain in the ass, but he was a good agent and a good friend. "That's true. I bet McGee is feeling awful. I feel sorry for him. Tony's probably played every practical joke on him that exists."

Gibbs nodded his agreement. "Aah well, it'll toughen him up a bit."

They were both silent for a moment. Both lost in their own thoughts, about work, their lives and their current situation that held many feelings for the both of them. Kate watched as Gibbs walked to the railing of the balcony. He seemed so different yet so similar. He was a man who chose to keep a part of him secret to others. In the day he'd been with her, he'd allowed her to see a bit more of him. Maybe she would be able to unravel the mystery that surrounded Gibbs. Then again, maybe she shouldn't. It would only cause her more problems and that wasn't a good idea.

TBC………….


	8. Chapter eight

**A/N: Sorry it has taken such a while. Things have been rather hectic at school and I was too busy to get my writing done. That being said I want to thank everybody for reviewing. Sammie28, first thank you for your review. No you're not getting blackballed for your review. I can take criticism and your review explained what you thought and didn't just say "it sucks". I see your point. I realize that chapter seven wasn't as good as the others. But I don't think it was that bad either .I didn't have a real writers block. I did for this chapter and took your advice to take some more time for it. As for your other point, this is where I disagree. To me fan fiction gives me the ability to write what I want to happen between two characters. I can see your point, but for me I like that fact that I can create a situation that on the show, they would never be in. Let me say again that I'm not insulted or anything like that and I appreciate your review. I understand your point and partly I agree. I'm still not sure what will happen between Gibbs and Kate.**

**I noticed a mistake in previous chapters. Apparently Maggy changed to Maddy. That happened because I like the name Maddy and I have another fic which has a little girl named Maddy. It's a stupid mistake, but from now on it's gonna be Maddy and not Maggy anymore.**

**As for the next update, I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen yet. Suggestions, as always, are welcome. I'd love to hear your suggestions. It may take some time, but hopefully not too long. Thanks again for the reviews. Now I'll stop babbling. **

**Chapter eight**

"When I joined NCIS I never thought it could be as good as working with the Secret Service. I was wrong. It ended to be so much better, far more interesting. I guess all good things come to an end." Kate told Gibbs while they were still on the balcony.

"What do you mean?" He was surprised Kate started the conversation. He was apprehensive about what exactly was coming.

"Well, things were going so good that somewhere it had to go wrong. And it did. It went wrong from the moment I trusted Suzanne MacNeill. I thought I was a good agent. You and Tony could count on me to watch your back. You could trust my judgement. You can't anymore."

Before Gibbs had a chance to respond the phone rang. Kate excused herself to answer it. This gave Gibbs some time to think about Kate's words. Though he had already expected it, he didn't know how to react to her words. She had made a judgement call which ended up to be wrong. It had turned out to be a mistake that had cost them dearly. That one mistake didn't mean she was a bad agent. Everybody made some kind of mistake during their career. At that point it was only natural to doubt your own abilities. With Kate the situation seemed a bit more serious. She'd given this some real thought. He was afraid that maybe she'd already made her decision and he wouldn't be able to change her mind. On the other hand, maybe she wasn't sure and wanted to hear his opinion about her. Maybe she needed to hear that he thought she was a great agent. Someone whom he wanted to watch his back. Someone he trusted without any doubt. He was going to tell her all this, when the time was right.

While Gibbs was still outside, Kate was in the living room answering the phone. It was Emily, her sister-in-law. She wanted to go shopping with Kate. She'd been reluctant first, but Emily had convinced her. It would probably do her good to have a change of scenery without having Gibbs around. There was one small problem though. Someone had to watch Maddy since they couldn't take her with them. Jason was at school and after school he was going to a friend's house. Emily suggested that Gibbs could watch her, since Maddy obviously liked Jethro and he liked Maddy too. Kate felt uncomfortable asking Gibbs to baby sit her niece. In the end Emily had convinced her again. She would ask Gibbs to baby sit Maddy. Emily said goodbye, telling Kate she'd be there in 30 minutes. She turned around when she heard something behind her. Gibbs was back in the room.

"That was Emily." Kate said as she put the phone down in it's holder. "She asked if I wanted to go shopping with her. I agreed. But there's no one to watch Maddy."

"Bring her here. I'll watch her." Gibbs suggested.

"You sure, because you don't have to."

"No, it's no problem. You go shopping and have some fun. I'll be all right."

She tilted her head and looked him in the eyes. She still was surprised by the side of Gibbs she was seeing. She wondered why he chose to hide this side at work.

"What?" Gibbs asked as Kate kept staring at him.

"Why do you choose to hide this side of you at work?"

"What do you mean?"

"You are so caring and kind. Why don't we see that at work?"

He hesitated for a moment. He knew he was very different at work. He did it on purpose, he wanted to keep his work separated from his private life. He also did it to prevent people to come close. First Ducky and Abby had seen through that act, now Kate also. Before he answered Kate continued.

"I don't understand why you choose to hide that. Is it to protect yourself in some way?" She had hit a nerve, she could see it in his eyes. She was right. He did it to protect himself. She wondered why. What had happened to him that made him want to hide a part of himself?

She saw him avert his eyes before he turned away from her. "When's Emily coming?"

She knew the conversation was over. He wasn't prepared to talk about it. She doubted if he would ever talk to her about it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." She walked away to get ready.

Gibbs opened the front door for Emily and Maddy. Maddy immediately went to his side. "Uncle Jethro." She greeted him.

"Hi, Maddy." He ran over Maddy's hair. "Good morning, Emily." He stepped aside to let her enter.

"Morning, Jethro. Everything okay here?"

"As good as it can be."

"How's Kate?"

"She's doing better. She finally got a good night's rest."

"Good." From the corner of her eyes Emily saw Kate approaching. "Kate, ready to go shopping?"

"Yeah. You sure you don't mind watching Maddy, Gibbs?" She asked him once again.

"No, you two ladies have fun. Maddy and I will be fine, won't be Maddy?"

"Yeah!" Maddy was excited to spend the afternoon with her new friend.

"Okay. Bye, Maddy, have fun. Thanks again Jethro." Emily was already outside waiting for Kate to say goodbye to Gibbs.

Kate gave Gibbs a long look before she softly said her goodbye. She didn't like that she'd apparently crossed a line. She closed the door behind her and took a deep breath.

"Relax, Kate. It'll be fine. Maddy just loves Jethro. Come on, let's go do some shopping!" Emily placed her arm around Kate's shoulder and guided her to the car.

THEY were enjoying a moment of rest at Starbucks. After two hours of shopping they wanted to take a break. So far the trip had been a success. Kate had bought a new pair of shoes and grey pants. Emily had bought herself a dark blue coat and red sweater.

"Jethro's really great with Maddy. She couldn't stop talking about him. She never warms up to people so quickly, but there's something about him that she really likes." Emily sipped her coffee.

Kate merely nodded her head and took a sip of her coffee.

"He really is….." Emily didn't quite know how to describe him. ".. unique."

"Guess that's one way to describe him."

"There is one thing I can say about him, though. He's an attractive man, Kate."

There appeared a blush on Kate's face. It was true, Jethro Gibbs was an attractive man, but Kate often chose to ignore that.

"I mean, those eyes." Emily continued. "So blue and the way he can look at you. They can make a girl melt."

"You're married, Emily."

"That doesn't mean I can't appreciate a fine looking man. Just admit it, Kate. Your boss is a very attractive man." She'd seen Kate blushing, but she wanted Kate to actually say it. There was no denying the chemistry between Jethro and Kate. Hopefully admitting he was attractive would be the first step into getting Kate to admit the chemistry between the two.

"Fine, I'll admit it. He's attractive. That doesn't mean anything."

"It doesn't have to _mean_ anything. I'm just saying…"

"Yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying." Kate interrupted her sister-in-law.

"What's it like having him around?"

"Nice and very frustrating." Kate answered, thinking back on her earlier conversation with Gibbs.

"Did you two talk yet?"

"Yeah. I talked to him about my nightmare and this morning I talked to him about the job."

"And, what did he say?" Emily leaned a bit forward on her seat.

"He didn't get a chance to say anything because your call interrupted us."

"I'm sorry, Kate."

"That's okay. It probably was for the best. I doubt he's willing to talk with me."

"Why's that? What happened between you two?" That remark gave Emily an angry look from Kate.

"Nothing _happened_. He's so caring and great with Maddy that I asked him why he hides that side of him at work. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. He's so closed off, Emily."

"And this bothers you because you don't want him to be closed off to you." Slowly she was getting to the point.

"Yes, no…. I don't know. He expects me to open up to him, to talk about my feelings. But as soon as I get personal he puts those walls up again." Kate rubbed her face with her hands. "He can be such a frustrating man!" Kate took a moment to collect her thoughts. "From the moment he came here he's been a good friend. I was allowed to see a side of him that people hardly get to see. I thought we'd become good friends. Apparently there are limitations to our friendship. Why won't he let me in, Emily?"

"I don't know, Kate. I hardly know the man. What I do know is that he cares deeply for you, I can see it in his eyes. Maybe he's afraid what will happen if he lets you in. Do you want him to let you in?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Kate looked away before she answered the question. She'd never spoken the words out loud before. "Because I want to get to know the man Gibbs and not the agent."

"Then go for it, Kate. Don't let him close off. Try to get through those walls he's built around himself. Try, if it doesn't work out at least you know you gave it your best. Like I told you before, the man cares deeply for you. Maybe you just need to get through to him."

TBC...........


	9. Chapter nine

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who reviewed. I'm so happy that you're liking this story. Thank you!!!! This chapter is a not much. Just some fun with Gibbs spending time with Maddy. Also the song, it's probably not from that movie, but it was the only one I could find. The chapter is also a bit shorter than usual, hope you don't mind. This chapter is a bit boring compared to the others, but that's the way it is. Sorry. Please keep those reviews and suggestions coming.**

**Chapter nine**

Gibbs had spend the afternoon entertaining Maddy. The girl had brought her own stuff so there wasn't much entertaining to do. They were now watching a movie together. Apparently "Barney's Great Adventure" was her favourite movie. He'd guessed Barney was a person, so he was surprised to see it was a big purple dinosaur. Barney was on a adventure through the country visiting different farms. After 10 minutes it became clear to him that it was a sing and dance along movie. Maddy quickly stood up and started singing and dancing along with the song Barney was singing. He watched Maddy with amusement. He thought the movie was too sappy, but he could see that Maddy loved it. Occasionally she would point things out to him. Clearly she'd seen the movie a couple of times. It was time for another song and Maddy jumped up again. He smiled at her as she danced passed him. He watched the screen. Barney was in a shed, dancing with a cow and sheep. As the song ended Maddy stood still in front of him. She extended her hand, waiting for him to take it. Not knowing what Maddy's intentions were, he took the girl's hand and stood up. He regretted it immediately when he found out what she wanted him to do. She wanted him to sing along with her. On the screen there were three little ducks.

"Three little ducks went out one day." Maddy sang. "Come on, Uncle Jethro!"

Gibbs hesitated, he wasn't going to sing along. He didn't sing. To his surprise Maddy also started to dance.

"Mama duck called. Quack, quack, quack, quack." Maddy continued. "Please, uncle Jethro, sing!"

Gibbs grumbledbefore he gave in. As far as he knew, nobody would ever found out. He looked at the screen for the lines. "Two little ducks came swimming back." He hesitantly started and looked at Maddy. She grabbed his hand and they continued together. "Two little ducks went out one day."

Kate and Emily returned to the cabin with several bags in their hands. Kate handed her bags to Emily so she could open the door. As she opened it, she heard singing. They entered the house and put their bags down. Kate recognized both voices, but she'd never expected to hear that one voice singing. She indicated to Emily that they should be quiet as they walked to the origin of the sound. They walked through the kitchen to the living room. There was a sight Kate had never expected to see. Gibbs was dancing and singing with Maddy. She and Emily shared a big smile. They both took a step closer to the two dancers.

"You're quite the singer, Gibbs." Kate suddenly said.

Gibbs immediately shut his mouth and spun around. Maddy just turned around and continued the song.

"And not a bad dancer, either." Kate smiled and winked at Gibbs. Gibbs face said it all, he was embarrassed. He didn't like that Kate had seen him singing and dancing. For Kate the fun wasn't over yet. "You know, you should do that more often at NCIS. I can see it helps you relax. I'm sure Tony and Abbs would love to see you." And for the final touch. "Good thing I made a picture, otherwise they'd never believe me."

"You didn't." He groused.

"You don't know that." Kate pointed out to him.

"You wouldn't."

"Maybe I would." Kate had a big smile on her face.

Emily watched the exchange between the Kate and Jethro. She could see they both enjoyed the banter. After the song ended Maddy shut the TV off. Maddy started telling her about her day with uncle Jethro.

Gibbs stared at Kate. It was good to see her smile again and for a moment the old Kate was back. Their usual banter and flirting returning. He wasn't so glad with the reason, she was making fun of him. He was pretty sure Kate hadn't made a picture, but from the look in Kate's eyes there was a small possibility. Kate was the first to look away. Maddy was pulling at her leg.

"Will you come with me, aunt Kate? I want to show you something."

"Sure."

That left Jethro and Emily together in the living room. "Did she give you any trouble?"

"No. You've got a great kid."

"Thanks."

"How did things go with Kate? Looks like she enjoyed herself."

"We had fun and we talked." From the look on Jethro's face she knew he wanted her to continue. "Not really about work. Just some other stuff." Looking over her shoulder she saw Maddy and Kate returning. "We'd better go. Thanks for watching Maddy, Jethro. Kate, we should do this more often."

"We should. Say hi to the guys for me." Kate walked with Emily and Maddy to the front door. After saying her goodbyes to them, she closed the door and joined Gibbs in the living room again. There was an awkward silence between them.

Gibbs looked around the room. "What do you wanna do?"

Kate smiled before she made her suggestion. "Well, you could sing for me again." She tried to keep a straight face, but the angry glare in Gibbs' eyes was just too funny. She sat down on the chair and laughed. "Seriously, Tony and Abby would have loved to see you dancing and singing. I think I'll email them the picture tonight. Abby will probably enlarge it and hang it up in her lab."

Gibbs walked up to her, stopping right in front of her. Kate had to look up to meet his eyes. The glare was still there, but there was also a hint of amusement. "I can always tell when someone's lying." He gently grabbed her hand, pulling her up so he could look in her eyes. He stared at her for a moment. He was giving her the famous glare. The glare he gave suspects. The glare that made every suspect admit his crimes. Now it was pointed at her and it made her uncomfortable. That was exactly what he wanted. She kept looking away, hoping it prevented him from reading her. He leaned closer, keeping eye contact before he whispered in her ear. "You're lying."

Kate stepped away, not wanting her body language to betray her feelings when he stood so close. "I... euuh… I need to put away my clothes."

"What,", Gibbs smiled. Now it his turn to have some fun. "you're not going to give me a parade? Show me all your new clothes?"

"No."

"I think I deserve that after I was so kind to help you out, so you could go buy those clothes."

"I'll find another way to thank you." She left without a backwards glance.

Gibbs could think of a couple of ways she could thank him. Some more appropriate than others. He grinned, things were going good between Kate and him. Tonight they were going to have a little talk.

TBC………..


	10. Chapter ten

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you liked Gibbs dancing around and the bit of teasing between the two. I kinda feel the pressure of this chapter because this is a talk they had to have. I'm just not sure how high the expectations are and if this will live up to it. It was difficult to write Gibbs. Hopefully there's some of the Gibbs there that we know from the show and also a new side, Gibbs showing his feelings. This is mostly Gibbs talking to Kate. This chapter is a bit shorter than usual because there's so much information in it. Please R&R 'cause I hope this chapter is good enough for you. As always, ideas and suggestions are welcome. Best wishes for 2005 for everyone!**

**Chapter ten**

Dinner was spend with pleasant conversation. Both avoided personal as well as work related topics. Mostly the conversation was about Kate's family. Kate felt good about herself for the first time since the whole ordeal had begun. They were now sitting on the couch, in front of the fire place, enjoying a glass of wine.

Gibbs observed Kate. The entire evening she'd been relaxed. He decided it was time they talked. He saw no use in beating around the bush and so he didn't. "You're a good agent, Kate. Don't ever doubt that." He saw her tense at his words. "From the moment I saw you sitting on the gurney, being treated by the paramedic, I saw the doubt in your eyes. I didn't say anything, knowing you had to work through it yourself. Every time since, I only have to look in your eyes to see that the doubt is still there. So far I've been quiet, hoping you'd work through it yourself or maybe that you would talk to someone. I've been waiting for you to open up, to let me or someone else in, but you've closed yourself off, Kate. You need to talk about this, otherwise it'll tear you up. You cannot keep doing this. Talk to me, Kate."

His voice was soft, not wanting her to shut him out. He saw her trying to stand up and he quickly grabbed her hand. He gently pulled her down on the couch, he settled himself down closer to her and didn't let go of her hand. She wasn't looking at him, but at their joined hands. When he saw she wasn't talking he continued. "I still trust you, Kate."

With her free hand Kate rubbed her face. Until now she hadn't realized how much she needed to hear those words, not just from anybody, but from him. "How can you? I screwed up, Gibbs. I trusted someone I shouldn't have. You warned me, but I ignored you. I put the team in danger. I could have gotten you killed."

He squeezed her hand. "You didn't." For the first time she looked at him. He clearly saw the pain reflected in her eyes.

"I'm a trained profiler, Gibbs. Apparently not a good one, because I can't figure out when someone's lying to me. What good am I when I can't even do my job?"

"I hired you for your skills. I was impressed by you when we first met. When you stepped back in Air Force One and told me I was no assistant I knew you were a good agent and could be a good investigator. Then you challenged me for the first time and the idea came to mind to offer you a job. I started explaining the basics of crime scene investigating, hoping it would interest you. At the end of the case, I was sure I was going to ask you to join the team, but I wasn't sure you'd take it. You were obviously enjoying the Secret Service and I saw how good you were. I didn't think you would leave that behind. Suddenly your boss tells me you resigned. His loss became my gain. I never once regretted my decision to hire you." He linked his fingers with hers before he continued. "Don't beat yourself up over this. Everybody makes mistakes."

"This wasn't just a little mistake."

"No, it wasn't, but you can't dwell on it." After he said it he saw anger flash through her eyes.

"Gibbs, people got killed because of me. Don't tell me not to dwell on it." Angrily she pushed his hand away and stood up. "I've gotta learn to live with the fact that I killed innocent people."

"Kate." He had to try to calm her down. "You need to get passed this. I don't want you to resign and I know you've been thinking about it."

She immediately turned around, watching him sit on the couch. "Emily told you."

"No, Emily didn't tell me anything." He stood up, but didn't approach her. "She didn't need to tell me. I knew even though you tried so hard to hide it." She turned away from him. He wanted her to look at him so he could see what she was thinking. Her need to keep the distance between him hurt him in a way. He was trying to get her to open up and though she'd said some things, she still chose to hide most of it. If he just knew what. He decided to close the distance between them. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, persuading her with slight pressure to turn around. As they faced each other, Kate tensed up again, taking a step back, but this time he wouldn't let her. He closed the distance again and whispered. "Stop walking away, Katie. Tell me what you're thinking."

"I think I should quit. I'm no good to you with all these doubts in my mind."

"There's no one I'd rather have watching my back. I want you there by my side, Kate. With you there I don't have to concern myself with a dozen other things. I know I can count on you. I still count on you."

"How can you have so much trust in me when I screwed up big time? I saw the disappointment in your eyes as you stood by the ambulance. Don't deny it, you were disappointed in me. I think you still are."

Now it was his turn to take a step back. She was right, he couldn't deny it. His first reaction was disappointment. He'd tried to warn her, but she'd ignored him. Partly he'd been disappointed in himself. He should have tried to get through to her. After years on the job he didn't trust people that easily anymore. He hadn't trusted Suzanne MacNeill, but Kate had. Kate would never forget the human side of a story. She always thought about the victim or the family. It was a side he, himself, would often forget.

For Kate, Gibbs silence said it all. "You do blame me." She whispered.

He took a step towards her again, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I don't blame you. I admit I was disappointed. As well as in myself as in you. I'd hoped you would have seen through her, but you'd bonded with her. I was disappointed in myself because I should have looked out for you. I let you do your thing, completely forgetting how it could affect you. I realized it too late, I realized it after the explosion. I'm sorry, I should have known better." He let his hands slide from her shoulders down her arms to her hands before he let go. "I have many regrets in my life, Kate, but hiring you is not one of them. It's probably one of the best things I've done in a long time." Though the consequences on his heart had been bigger than expected, yet not unwelcome. "My biggest regret would be if you walked away and I hadn't done everything in my power to make you stay." He sighed, turned around and walked away. "I don't want you to go, but in the end it's your decision. I'm just asking you to really think it through. If you decide to quit, then I won't stand in your way. Goodnight, Kate." He left her standing alone in front of the fire place. He'd showed her more of himself than planned, but he didn't regret it. He just hoped Kate understood he didn't blame her, nor did he want her to leave. Now, it was up to her to make a decision. If she chose to quit he wouldn't stand in her way. He would let her walk out of his life.

TBC.........


	11. Chapter eleven

**A/N: Thanks again for the ooh soo wonderful reviews. I'm glad you liked the previous chapter since it had an important talk between the two. This chapter is a bit boring, mostly because time needed to pass before they would talk again. There are mostly thoughts from both about the earlier conversation and their situation. I also missed Ducky so decided to put him in this chapter. Sorry it took so long but school is really busy and I had to put that first. Besides school I was kinda stuck with what to do next. Hopefully you won't be bored by this chapter. Please R&R, I love reading your thoughts. Gives me motivation to continue.**

**Chapter eleven**

He heard the front door close. He'd hardly slept, all because of the conversation with Kate. He still wasn't sure his words were enough to convince her. Though he'd thought last night that he would let her walk away if she chose to, but now he wasn't sure he couldn't. She'd become a constant factor in his life. He simply couldn't lose her. He was at a loss what to do. He knew he had to give Kate time to think. He just wanted her to talk to him about it. Yesterday he'd done most of the talking, letting her know how he felt about her as an Agent. She had to work through the doubt herself, he couldn't do that for her. Usually with cases, when he felt like he was stuck, he turned to Ducky, his oldest friend and confidant. And though this wasn't a case, he still needed advice. He pulled out his cell phone and pushed three on his speed dial. While waiting for Ducky to answer his phone he thought about Kate again. Everything ended back to her. She was number one on his speed dial, NCIS headquarters was two. All this time, she'd been so much more important than he was willing to see. Finally Ducky greeted him.

"Ducky, it's Jethro."

"Jethro, it's good to hear from you." The British ME greeted his good friend. "How are you?"

"I'm good."

"And Kate?" Ducky was concerned for Kate. Kate was like a daughter to him.

"Better." Gibbs hesitated before continuing. "I need your advice, Duck."

The ME listened patiently as Gibbs relayed his worries. In a way he was happy Gibbs couldn't see the smile on his face. Not that he was happy with the situation the two agents were in, but the fact that Gibbs finally started to realize how he felt about Caitlin Todd. It had surprised him it had taken the lead NCIS agent so long to realize his feelings. He'd seen the relationship between the two develop from the first chemistry sparks, to a deep friendship and mutual attraction. Of course they didn't know that last bit from each other. They'd tried very hard to hide it.

"I don't think there's anything you can do, Jethro. It's up to her. She needs to make a decision."

"I can't lose her, Ducky."

"Jethro…" Ducky hesitated. "If Caitlin wants to leave, you can't stop her."

"Why won't she talk to me? Yesterday I did most of the talking. She just kept saying she didn't know."

"She's been doubting herself ever since the incident. Just because you tell her you still trust her, doesn't mean the doubt suddenly disappears. Give her time."

Gibbs was getting frustrated. He wanted straight answers from Ducky. Logically he knew Ducky wouldn't be able to give him the answers he wanted, but this had nothing to do with logic. He ran a hand through his short hair. When he heard movement at the front door he knew Kate was back. "I've gotta go, Duck. Bye."

Before the ME even had the chance to say anything more the line was already dead. _Good luck, Jethro_, Ducky thought.

Back at the cabin Kate returned from her morning jog. She'd hardly slept that night. Her mind kept going over everything Gibbs had said to her. Some of the doubts about the job, were now replaced with doubts about their professional relationship. Could they go on like this? She was seeing a side of him, that made her fall for him even more. If she decided to stay, she had to find a way to shut out her feelings. She couldn't keep working with him and not wanting more. She knew he expected her to talk. When she was honest with herself, she knew she needed to talk to him. She was however still hesitant. She was unsure where they stood now. After their talk, she knew that things had changed. Question was, was it for better or worse? She honestly didn't know. Kate walked to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. After her run she really needed a drink. Without looking around, she headed directly to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. She quickly opened the bottle, gulping down almost half of the water. So caught up in her thoughts, she never noticed Gibbs sitting at the kitchen table.

"Good morning."

Kate almost choked on her water. Coughing loudly she tried to take deep breaths to recover. Gibbs was quickly by her side, padding gently on her back. "You okay?"

Kate took a few deep breaths and nodded. She watched how Gibbs walked back to the table and sat down. He was wearing jeans with a black sweater. He looked good, she couldn't deny that. She watched him sipping his coffee. She guessed he'd had as little sleep as she had. For the first time since his arrival there was an uncomfortable silence between them. Neither knew how to start the conversation.

"I'm going to take a shower." Kate placed her bottle back in the fridge before she disappeared.

Gibbs took his coffee with him to the balcony. He leaned on the railing, watching the scenery again. He missed working on his boat. The work usually made him it easier for him to order his thoughts. He needed that now, he needed a way to bring back the order. Working on his boat also gave him some peace of mind, which was also needed. He decided to get away for a few hours. He wanted the time alone and guessed Kate would want him gone also. He grabbed his coat and closed the door behind him.

The cabin was quiet when Kate came back down. She looked around for Gibbs, finding him nowhere around. He was probably gone. Maybe it was for the best. Otherwise they might have gotten into an argument. She contemplated her actions the last couple of days. From failing miserably at work, causing a bomb explosion, to where she was now. Alone in her parents cabin, wondering about her job, life and Gibbs connection to both. She looked at her watch. It was still early. She decided to go to the nearby town to get some groceries. After that, maybe a visit to the local gym. She was used to working out three times a week at the NCIS gym. In her line of work it was important to be in good shape. You never knew when you were going to chase down a subject. Expect the unexpected, one of Gibbs' many lessons. And there she was again, her mind back on him. If he knew how big his influence was on her, he'd use it to his advantage. Good thing he didn't know. Kate shook her head to get rid of her thoughts. It was time to get moving. Since Gibbs hadn't left a note about his whereabouts she wasn't about to inform him about hers. She hesitated for a moment, thinking he didn't have a key. Well that was his own fault. Besides he could probably pick a lock.

Kate returned from her work out and grocery shopping a little after two. Not seeing Gibbs' rental car she knew he was still out. For the first time she was a bit worried. Did he actually leave without saying goodbye? Did something happen to him? Was he mad and decided to avoid her all together? She placed her grocery bags on the counter. Before putting everything in it's place she turned on the radio. After placing the groceries away she grabbed her favourite book, a cup of coffee and sat down outside on the balcony.

That's how Gibbs found her an hour later, sleeping in the chair, her book still open on her lap. Watching her from the doorway he was once again struck by her beauty. The way the sun made her hair look lighter, the peaceful and innocent look on her face. God, she was so beautiful. He realized yet again how far out of reach she was. He guessed she'd gotten as much sleep as him last night and was in much need to rest. While it wasn't cold outside he didn't think it would do her health any good, sleeping outside. He quietly walked up to her, grabbed the book from her lap and placed it on the table. He gently picked her up in his arms. She must have been really tired, because the movement didn't wake her up. It felt good having her in his arms. She fitted perfectly. She stirred slightly in his arms, but didn't wake up. He gently laid her down on the couch. He searched for a blanket to put over her and quickly found one. He made himself some coffee and sat down on the chair next to the couch. And he watched her sleep. Imprinting the memory in his brain in case she wouldn't come back with him to NCIS, in case he was going to lose her.

**TBC……….**


	12. Chapter twelve

**A/N: The chapters are getting more difficult to write for my, that's why it takes longer to update them. My apologies for the long wait. Another much needed conversation in this one. For the first time it's going to be about their feelings for each other. The chapter is a bit shorter than the others. I have no idea how to end this fic yet so if anybody has any ideas. I'm still not sure how far things are going to go between Gibbs and Kate. A part of my would like them to express their feelings for each other(that'll probably also happen) yet I'm not sure if I was more than that or just admitting they have feelings for each other and leave it at that. What do you think? I'm thinking about concluding this fic in about two chapters but that all depends on the inspiration and the direction this fic is going to take. Like I said before, thoughts and ideas are very welcome. Please R&R!**

**Chapter twelve**

Kate woke up feeling disoriented. She was lying on a couch, she couldn't remember doing that. She also realized she was inside. Last thing she remembered was sitting outside, reading her book.

"Hey". She heard a familiar voice greet her from her left.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked his way. Apparently he had found a way to get inside while she was asleep.

He watched her wake up and was mesmerized by the way she lazily stretched. With her hair tousled, her eyes still sleepy, she looked beautiful. Why was he more and more aware of her beauty these last couple of days? Was it because he was afraid he was losing her? That he wanted to imprint the images in his mind? Was that how it was going to be? Watching her empty desk at NCIS headquarters? Remembering when she used to be there? He couldn't and didn't want to wait any longer. "Can we talk about this?" He asked her.

Kate noticed the anticipation in his eyes. She felt it too. She knew she couldn't hold this conversation off any longer. It wasn't fair for him, but that didn't mean it was easy. "I guess we should." Walking to the fire place, Kate ran a hand through her hair. She looked at him before she started. "Thank you for being honest with me. Thank you for your trust in me. It means a lot."

"You don't have to thank me."

"I do. I know I haven't been easy these last few days. It meant a lot to me that you came here. I'm pretty sure things would have been a lot different if you hadn't been here." She sighed and sat down on the couch again. "I know what you want to hear, Gibbs, but I don't know if it's what I want. I've still got some stuff to deal with before I know if I'm coming back."

"What kind of stuff?" He truly didn't know there were also other things on her mind. He thought this had all been about the explosion. Apparently there was more going on.

"This isn't just about the job anymore." She hesitated. If she was going to continue this conversation it was going to thread into their private lives. A boundary they had purposely put up between them. A boundary that shouldn't be crossed, afraid of the consequences.

He was confused and didn't know how to react. He sensed that this was an important moment. He saw it in Kate's eyes. This was going to end this conversation or was going to bring it to a whole other level. Was he ready for that? He was curious to what she meant. If it wasn't about the job, what else could it be? Was there even something else? He gave her a small nod, signalling her to continue.

"This has become so much more. It's become so complicated. I've seen something in your eyes, Gibbs. Something I haven't seen before. Or maybe it has always been there, but I chose to ignore it because that made it so much easier. Now I see it and I'm not sure what it means."

He was shocked. All this time he thought he'd hid his feelings for her. That she couldn't see it. He should have know she would see it. She knew him better than anybody else. She was the only one who could see it.

"Maybe it's for the best if I quit and walk away."

For Gibbs that simply wasn't an option. Standing up he walked towards her. "No, I don't want you to go."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't that make things a lot easier?" Kate turned to him.

"What do I have to do to convince you, Kate? I told you yesterday how I felt about this." He was surprised she was still unsure about his trust in her. He had been pretty clear yesterday.

Kate looked at him. In his eyes she could see he truly didn't know what she was saying. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe they weren't ready to have this conversation. After all sometimes ignorance was a bliss.

He saw the hesitation in her eyes. She was thinking about ending the conversation. He wasn't going to let her do that. They'd come this far, she was going to tell him what this was all about. "Why are you still hesitant?"

She took a deep breath before she continued. "Because this has become about you…and me. And where I stand with you. I don't know if being at NCIS would be wise for the both of us."

"What do you mean?" He had an idea where she was going with this. They were moving fast into his personal feelings for her. It was something he wasn't ready for yet.

"Sometimes I think I'm the only one who has problems with the boundaries we've put between us. I need to know where I stand with you. Where is it that you want me?"

"How can you ask me that?" He asked incredulously. "I already told you yesterday where I want you. I want you by my side, watching my back."

She was now standing before him, anger flashing in her eyes. She pointed at him. "As an agent yes. That's professional, but personally, where do you want me then?"

He took a step backwards. "What do you mean personal? This isn't personal. This is about you doubting your job."

"No it isn't and you damn well know that! What is it that I see in your eyes? Is that purely professional? I don't think so because Tony sure as hell wouldn't be pleased with that look pointed at him. Can we continue with the way things were between us? Continue denying that there's something more between us? I don't think I can do that anymore. I don't think I want to anymore. And if you want to keep denying your own feelings then go ahead, but count me out. I won't be a part of the team anymore."

TBC…


	13. Chapter thirteen

**A/N: Thank you for all your kind reviews. They make my day and I truly appreciate them. This chapter turned out different than expected. I've been trying to put this off for as long as possible but somehow it seemed right at this moment. Personally, I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. Also writing this one made me realize that there's probably only one more to go. If you have any suggestions or ideas how you would like to see this fic end, let me know and I'll see what I can do. Again, thanks for the reviews and please keep them coming. **

**Chapter thirteen**

She was standing right in front of him, the anger radiating from her body. At that moment he could only think of two things. One, how beautiful she was and two…how badly he wanted to kiss. Her words had hit him hard. She was right, he didn't know how much longer he could keep denying her. Beside, the fear of losing her was too much. He couldn't deal with that. For once he decided not to think about the consequences. Go ahead and do what he'd wanted to do for such a long time. He roughly pulled her into his arms and his lips found hers in a passionate kiss. It wasn't a gentle, exploring kiss. He wanted her to know how he felt and put all his feelings for her in that kiss. He was surprised when she returned the kiss with equal passion. Their tongues thoroughly explored each other. The one who started the kiss was also the one who ended it. Both were in need to catch their breaths. Kate was shocked, to say the least. Catching her breath, she took a step back as if she needed the distance to get her control back. Both were silent, observing the other's reaction. It was Gibbs who recovered first.

A small smile appeared on his face. With his fingers he touched his lips. "Was that personal enough?"

Kate was still recovering. "Euuh…well….yes." She stumbled. She couldn't believe it. They had kissed. Sure, in her dreams they'd kissed several times, but now it was real. And what a kiss it was. He'd left no doubt as to how he felt about her.

The silence returned, for now they didn't know how to proceed. It was out in the open, but neither had actually said anything.

Gibbs was clueless and suddenly seemed nervous again. This is what happened when he didn't think things over. How to proceed? He thought of kissing her again. Now that he'd tasted her once, he wanted to do it again. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to do. Judging from Kate's avoidance of his eyes, he was pretty sure it wasn't a good idea. Logically he knew it was up to him to do the talking. She deserved some answers, certainly after their passionate kiss. He decided to be honest with her. "I don't know what to do, Kate. I thought that if I denied it long enough it would go away. That maybe I imagined things, that I didn't see the longing in your eyes. Then, all of a sudden you're gone and the thought of that being permanent is not something I can handle. I was willing to do this professionally. To have you by my side as an agent was better than not having you by my side at all. But now…" He gestured between them. "This…this makes things so much more complicated. And though it feels right." He hesitated before speaking his next words. "I don't know if it's the right thing to do."

Back was the fire in Kate's eyes. "How can you say that? Stop letting your mind speak and let your heart do the talking! You can't keep denying this. This won't go away, especially after that kiss. So what if things become complicated? If it's right, it's right. Doesn't it feel right?" She said just before she closed the distance she'd put between them and gently brushed his lips with hers.

His right hand went up, his finger slightly tracing her jaw as he returned her kiss. He again ended the kiss. His arms had found their way around her and he pulled her against his chest, loving the feel of her in his arms. He placed a soft kiss on her hair. "It does feel right, Kate, but there's so much more to consider. I know you, I know you've been thinking about that too."

He heard her sigh. Gibbs was right. She'd thought about it too. It was one of the things that had held her back. They had to think about their jobs. How was this going to work? She honestly didn't know, but she didn't want to let go either. Not when for the first time in her life, it really felt perfect.

He released her, immediately missing her warmth. "You're a good agent, Kate. You love your job, I know that. This is going to complicate things or worse…" He didn't want to actually say the worst case scenario out loud. "I don't want you on another team. I want you on my team. If you were on another team I'd worry about you every time. I wouldn't be there to protect you if something went wrong. I know you're perfectly capable to do your job, but that doesn't mean I won't worry about you."

Taking his big hand in her smaller ones, she smiled at his words. She didn't like it when people doubted her abilities as an agent. With Gibbs she knew he didn't doubt her. It was genuine concern, concern he didn't show to many people. Her smile quickly disappeared when she thought about his words. He was right, she'd already thought about it and it worried her too.

"I don't want you losing your job over me." He said, looking at her hand before he let go. "And frankly, I'm not willing to give mine up just yet. Which causes a problem, a problem that I'd much rather avoid." He was stepping back from her, physically and mentally distancing himself. "I'm afraid I'm going to ruin your career. It's a risk I'm not willing to take…not when you deserve so much more." Turning his back on her he continued. "Kate, I'm a difficult man to live with. My work has partly been the reason why my three marriages failed. I promised myself not to make the same mistake again. I want what's best for you, even if that means denying myself of something beautiful."

She saw his shoulder slump forward. He was serious, he would really ignore his own feelings if that was better for her. It was a big gesture, but she didn't like it. "How come you decide what I deserve? This involves me too."

He turned around, facing her again. "I know it does…I just want you to be happy. The job makes you happy."

"The job makes me happy because you're there, chasing bad guys together, being by your side. What makes me even more happy is to be able to do this…" She wrapped her arms around his chest, leaning against him. "And this.." As she kissed him again, immediately deepening the kiss. She didn't want him to think, she wanted him to feel.

He groaned, pulling her closer. The woman was irresistible, it was that simple. He needed to keep his mind focused, but with her tongue doing wonderful things, it was too difficult to focus. She probably did that on purpose. The woman knew his weaknesses. Frankly, at this moment he didn't mind.

"Give us a chance, Gibbs. You want this as much as I do. Can't we at least enjoy the moment as long as it lasts? Can't you give us that? Just forget about the consequences. I'm right here, right in front of you. See me, see how good this can be?" She took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts when something dawned on her. Maybe this wasn't just about the job for Gibbs. Maybe this was about his own insecurities. Was he bothered by their age difference? Did he think he didn't deserve her? She needed to know what else was going on. She placed her hand on his chest, above his heart. For a moment she just felt its steady beat. "What else is going on, Gibbs. What aren't you telling me?"

He should have know she'd see through him. He was an open book to her. Part of him was wondering how this could work out. He was so much older. People would take their conclusions before they even got to know them. He didn't mind about it, he never gave thought to what other thought about him. But he didn't want that to happen to Kate. She deserved an honest chance. The other, even more important question for him was, how long would it take before she got tired of him? That she realized he would only become a burden to her. And his biggest fear of all, that she would leave him.

Suddenly he realized that during the entire conversation she hadn't called him by his given name. "Why won't you call me, Jethro?" His voice, thought soft, revealed his uncertainty.

Her hand tightened in his for a moment. This wasn't a question she'd expected. To her he was Gibbs. She'd never thought about calling him Jethro. She decided to give it a try, to feel how it sounded. "Jethro." She whispered, looking him in the eye. She smiled… she liked it. Only few had the privilege to call him Jethro. It seemed right that she could call him Jethro. "What are you afraid of, Jethro?"

TBC…


	14. Chapter fourteen

**A/N: Thousand apologies. I know it's been months since I've last updated. You guys have been terrific. Sending me so many reviews and what do I do, I leave you hanging with only one more chapter to come. It's horrible. I got side tracked by my latest ship and my muse decided to go for that ship and forget this one. I didn't have any inspiration at all and I wanted this to be good. Not to finish it just to...you know, finish properly. You all deserved more. It's strange how my muse works because I wrote this in like two hours, my muse suddenly hitting me. **

**Also, the lack of some quality G/K moments have been bugging me. It's harder to write fics when your ship's moments have gotten less and less. **

**But here it is, the last chapter. I hope I did well and didn't get too fluffy. This needed to be resolved and I hope you are happy with the way I did that. Thank you all again for your patience. It meant a lot to me to open my mailbox and find an email with kind words, telling me to finish the fic because you can't wait anymore (Milouze, it was your encouragement that made me write this chapter. Thank you!). This is the end of the fic. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews and I hope this last chapter was worth the very long wait!**

**Chapter fourteen**

Losing you was the first and most important thing that came to his mind, yet he didn't say it out loud. "I want you to be happy, Kate." He wanted to step away from her again, but her hold on his hand held stopped him.

"Don't walk away."

"You said it yourself Kate, there are so many things complicating this. I wish it was easy, I wish…"

"Stop it. Tell me the truth, Jethro. What's really holding you back?" When her question was answered with another silence and his lack of eye contact she blew. "Damnit, Jethro. Is this how it's going to be, that no matter how hard I try, you'll never let me in? Is that it?" Angrily she let go of his hand and stalked off to the kitchen.

He was left standing alone in the living room. In the kitchen he heard Kate slamming the cupboards close. If he was honest with himself he deserved her rage. This had been the problem all along in his life. He didn't let people in. Sure he'd spend his life with three women, but not one of them he'd actually shared his feelings with. Never shared his biggest fears or his greatest moments. It was his way of protecting himself. However he realized that he did want to let Kate it. He wasn't going to let this chance pass him by. He didn't want to look back, blaming himself for his own stupidity.

Slowly he walked to the kitchen. He found Kate with her hands leaning against the counter, her back to him. He saw how tense she was. Quietly he took his place, leaning against the counter opposite to her.

"I'm sorry, Katie." His voice was soft, roughed by the emotions he felt. He saw her shift, yet she didn't turn around. He sighed, he was going to have to do the talking before she would turn around and give him another chance. "I'm trying to do the right thing here. I can be a difficult man, Kate. I don't share things easily. I've always closed myself off when things got personal. It's the way I am and it's not something I can change overnight. I want to try, but you've got to give me a chance. You've got to be patient with me." He watched her, there was still no change. She was just as tense and didn't turn around, didn't meet his eyes.

He looked at the floor and continued. "My three ex-wives all had the same problems with me. I was never home, work occupied too much of my time. And secondly and maybe the most important, I never let them in. I never told them what was going on in my mind. I would come home and sometimes simply ignore them because I couldn't deal with my feelings. Sometimes it's difficult to let a case go, the nightmares followed me home, finding me in my dreams. I didn't…, no I couldn't share those awful images with them. They wouldn't have been able to handle that. If I was struggling, how were they going to deal with it? So I shut them out, trying to protect them. Maybe I shouldn't have made those choices for them, shouldn't have wanted to protected them. I guess it went from bad to worse."

Kate shifted on her feet. With her head still down, she stared at the counter, letting his words sink in. Her outburst had finally provoked in him in truly talking to her. Hearing the emotions in his voice she wanted to turn around, but she held herself back. Why exactly? She didn't know, in a way she thought this was maybe easier for him.

Seeing she was staying still, he stepped closer, needing to feel her body warmth before he continued. "Beside all this, Kate, I don't want to hurt you. People have their prejudices. I don't want them to judge you. They will, I'm sure they will. Saying you're doing this to sleep your way to the top. There will be talk about us."

This made her turn around and watch him. He wasn't looking at her, he seemed to be staring of in space. "We'll be walking down the street and people will look at us and judge."

"I always thought you didn't care what people thought about you."

"I don't, but I care about you."

"Tell me more." Kate asked, sensing there was more.

"You deserve happiness. Kate, I'm not getting any younger. You're going to want things, like have children or I don't know… do something wild. I've lived a whole life already. I want to settle down, take it easy. I don't want to burden you and I think I will."

"Hey." Kate whispered, placing her hand on his chin, tilting his head so he had to look at hard. "Do I still have a say in this?" Taking his hands in hers she pulled him closer. "I can deal with all that, okay? People can think what they want to think. I don't care. I don't care about any of that. This.." She said, placing her hand on his chest, above his heart. ".. feels right."

Placing his hands on her hips he pulled her close before his lips descended on hers for a tender kiss. Looking in her eyes he saw the love, the love that she also found in his. There was also a seriousness in her eyes, telling him there was more.

"I'm not going to push you. I know sharing your feelings isn't easy for you. I understand, I just want you to try, Jethro. I want you to let me in."

"And I want you there. You've gotta be patient."

"I will."

Kate's smile warmed his heart. He couldn't resist and kissed her again. Letting the passion grow for a moment he pushed her back against the counter. With his hand in her hair, he held her head in place, deepening the kiss. He heard a groan, wondering if it was hers or his. Not before long he was pushed back by Kate's gentle hands.

"Let's take things easy."

**The End**


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